The lawyers that we hire, who let us have no choice in the matter, forced us to have this here.
However, after we took a good look at it, we realized that it was pretty awesome, and full of important stuff. It is something that you really do need to take the time to look at, even if you think it is silly. We made it easy to read, too, so that you do not have to fear misunderstanding anything. However, please follow all of the rules.
The lawyers would like for nothing better than to take you to court, with or without our permission.
We run this site so that those people you like, and who are like you, can use it to be entertained, informed, educated, communicated with, and for cyber gratification (whatever that is). We write about fitness equipment, such as elliptical reviews, Sole fitness and other brands. Please feel free to browse around and have all of the fun you want. You can even download things for non-commercial personal use. However, do not even think about messing with the copyrights or other notices on our things. They are in place for a reason, and if you transmit, modify, reuse, repost, or do anything else like distributing them, you will be in trouble. Also, do not do anything with the video, audio, images, or text that you see here in a public manner. You will not be happy with what the lawyers will do.
Visiting out sites means that you are totally stuck with the terms and conditions that you see here.
You are also going to have to abide by any laws or regulations regarding the World Wide Web, our site, www.ellipticalconsumers.com, The Internet, The Milky Way Galaxy, and even our planet. Browsing this site and having fun is great, but if you have a problem with our rules, please leave.
You cannot sit with us at lunch or share our things
- For the sake of anybody involved, please assume that the entirety of the site it copyrighted. This makes it so that you can only use our stuff in the way we say, and not in any other way. We probably will not give you permission to use it. If we tried to, though, our lawyers (who are ninjas) would veto our decision, so it is rather pointless.
- We do try to make sure things on our site are accurate. However, we do not promise this. We actually do not promise anything to you except that you will be entertained! If you use the stuff you see on our site, please note you are doing it of your own free will and at your own risk. This means that we cannot be held liable or responsible for omissions or errors on this site.
- Anybody, ourselves included, who was involved in producing, creating, or delivering things to this site are also not liable for any types of damages that you suffer, be they paranormal, extraterrestrial, or from your computer blowing up after looking at our site. The lawyers who started all of this want you to know the following! “Incidental, direct, indirect, and consequential or punitive damages that arise from using this site are not our fault. Without limit to the foregoing, everything here is provided to you AS IS. This means there are no types of warranties at all, expressed or implied, and not even warranties of merchantability or particular purpose, non-infringement. Please understand that while most districts must abide by this, if you are in a place that excludes implied warranties, this might not apply to you. Be sure to check out the local regulations and laws so that you know for sure what applies to you.” We have to put it this way so that you know it is important, and so that you do not ignore it. It comes down to understanding that nothing on our site, or anybody involved, can be blamed for viruses, pyrotechnic displays, or demonic possession that result from your use of this site. We really hope that nothing like this happens, but feel free to send us pictures or video if it does! We do not want you to think we will help you, but we can always use it for fun.
- If you have weird things that you do and do not want the world to know about, never post them on our site. Anything that you post on our site and disclose to us belongs to us. Forever. No take backs! This means that we can do anything we want like disclose, transmit, reproduce, publish, broadcast, or post it anywhere else. We can even send it to your mom and dad! We will, too. Also, if you include and share any expertise, concepts, ideas, techniques, or ways that you steal money from your friends, be sure that we will also take this and manufacture, develop, market, and effectively make money off of it.
- People or pictures, or places on this site, belong to us or someone that is affiliated with it (for example Sole E35 pictures belong to SOLE Fitness). Under no circumstance will this ever belong to you. None of your friends can use it and neither can you. We will not give permission, either, so do not ask us, although we love to see people begging. So, please be aware that if you violate this, or us, you will be forced to pay the piper, in a bad way including lawyers and attorneys and a dungeon full of scary things. Keep what you download to yourself.
- You will see many things like logos, trademarks, and service marks on our site. We own these or have permission to use them. No matter what, you do not have permission to do so. If you try to mess with them, we will have to go berserk and find you. This means we will bring the full legal force available to us and go after you. You do not want to have to pay money to us. So please leave or service marks, logos, and trademarks where they go. Don’t move them around or take them from their natural living space, please.
- You will also notice we have links on our sites to other places. This means that we like this, or something, but we have not looked at all of them. If you find something on another site that offends your pets, your sense of safety, or makes your babies cry in the middle of the night, you are doing so at your own risk. We cannot be blamed for this, as we do not have time to check them on a regular basis (or ever in some cases!).
- This brings us to the things that you do when you are on our fantastic and wonderful site of great experiences. You need to know that we like to be Big Brother, occasionally check up on, and listen to things that you talk about in public forums, discussions, chat rooms and other things. However, we are never going to be held responsible for things that you see here such as libel, omissions, slander, defamation, mistakes, falsehoods, pornography, obscenity, or any profanity that you see here. Also, do not be silly and post or transmit anything unlawful, libelous, threatening, defamatory, scandalous, obscene, pornographic, pictures of you eating scary foods, nasty, mean, or anything profane. This is especially true if you post or say anything that we feel is dangerous, or that can be considered a criminal offense. Never try to violate any laws anywhere, even those occurring in alternate dimensions concerning our site. We will find you and tell everybody what you did, including the lawyers.
- Any software that you see on this site it protected by things like US Patriot Laws. This means that you cannot download, send, or even view things on this site if you live in these lovely vacation spots of Iran, North Korea, The Moon, Syria, Libya, Iraq, Planet X, or Cuba. In addition, if you are on the Specially Designated Nationals or FBI Most Wanted, or in a place where the US has embargoed goods, please know that you are also not allowed here. In addition, if you are on something called the Table of Deny Orders, which sounds horrible, you cannot be here. If you are part of any of the aforementioned, please delete your browsing history, burn your computer and then turn yourself in. Thanks!
- Although we should not have to tell you this, we feel it is important for you to know we can change our page anytime. This means that you cannot be mad at us and are stuck with any changes we make. You must then comply with them even if you dislike them. If you do not like these changes, feel free to leave, but not without giving us good reviews and monetary compensation.
Finally, this part is something that does not have a number for any reason.
This regards that word that people love to use knowing as ‘suing’. If you or we decide to do this, we have to follow some types of rules. This means that the agreement here is governed by the United Kingdoms, regardless of any conflicting laws. If you have violated any of our sites, www.ellipticalconsumers.com, our affiliates, or us you are going to need to fight us in court when we seek injunctive or other appropriate legal recourse. This will take place in London, and you have to agree to it.
Any other types of disputes will be handled as follows. We will try to deal with it between ourselves before it gets out of hand. However, we will have to let a mediator that we agree upon from London, UK help us if we cannot figure it out. Any fees or costs that anybody accrues, other than lawyer fees, will be shared between us. Furthermore, if we cannot agree, we will take it to the American Arbitration Association within the UK. This is the final step that you do not want to reach. This means you are in some serious trouble and may be taken captive by us and recorded daily as we throw food at you until you pay us what you owe. Be smart.
Agree with us and follow this disclosure and everything will be fine!
We will do what we can to help.
We last updated this Terms os Use on March 2, 2014.